Notes from Gizmo

Hi. Gizmo here. I’m a dog. I know the difference between a good treat and something that just smells exciting but tastes like cardboard.

Humans often use merch, swag, and promotional products like they’re the same thing. They’re not. And pretending they are is how brands end up with boxes of unused stuff… which, sadly, is not edible.

Here’s the difference (from a professional retriever):

Swag Swag is the free biscuit someone tosses without thinking. It’s flashy, cheap, and gone five minutes later. Fun in the moment. Forgotten immediately.

Promotional products These are items designed to be seen — not necessarily used. Big logos. Loud colors. High visibility. Sometimes useful, often not loved.

Merch (the good kind) Merch is the treat you save for later. The one you actually want to keep. It’s useful, well-made, and quietly says something about the brand behind it.

The best merch doesn’t beg for attention. It earns it.

If your merch makes people think, “Nice… where did this come from?” — congratulations. That’s the good stuff.

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Let me explain something dogs understand instinctively: Just because something is free doesn’t mean it’s valued.

Most company merch fails for three reasons:

1. It’s chosen for price, not purpose

Humans love bulk discounts. Dogs love bulk snacks. The difference? Dogs still care if the snack tastes good.

Cheap merch signals cheap thinking. People notice.

2. It has no job

Good tools have jobs. Good toys have jobs. Good merch should, too.

If an item doesn’t:

• get used
• get carried
• get worn
• or get remembered

…it’s just clutter. And clutter eventually gets buried.

3. It shouts instead of speaks

Big logos. Loud branding. Neon colors.

That’s like yelling “GOOD BOY” every five seconds. It loses meaning fast.

The merch that works is calm, confident, and comfortable being itself.

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I’ve been to events. Okay, not officially — but I’ve smelled the tote bags afterward. I know.

Most event merch is designed to survive exactly one interaction: “Here you go.” “Thanks.”

Then it’s over.

What works instead:

Event merch should do one of two things:

1. Help during the event
2. Notebooks. Pens. Bags. Layers.
3. Things people actually use while they’re there.

1. Continue the conversation afterward
2. Follow-up kits. Mailed items. Something that shows up later and says,
3. “Hey, remember us?”

The best event merch doesn’t compete with the booth. It supports the moment after the booth.

If your merch doesn’t help with follow-up, it’s just weight in a suitcase.

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When a human joins a new pack (you call it a company), the first few days matter.

Employee merch fails when it feels like leftovers:

• leftover designs
• leftover inventory
• leftover ideas

What works for employees:

• Items they’d choose themselves
• Apparel that fits real humans
• Tools that live on desks or in daily routines

Good employee merch says: “You belong here.”

Bad employee merch says: “We ordered 500 of these.”

One feels like a welcome. The other feels like a chore.

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Customers are smart. They know when something is marketing.

Good customer merch doesn’t feel like an ad. It feels like appreciation.

What works:

• High-quality items
• Subtle branding
• A clear reason why it was given

A great customer gift feels like:

“We thought about you.”

A bad one feels like:

“We had a budget.”

If your merch replaces a discount instead of reinforcing a relationship, you’re doing it right.

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